Monday, July 12, 2010
Bigfoot was seen entering local Speedway on Richland Ave. to purchase a tin of Skoal. Witnesses said he winked at a couple of coeds and tried to pinch the ass of one Clemency Magwitch. According to Clemency, “He was all, like, are you kidding me, who do you think you are? He didn’t even buy us any beer.” The attendant reported that Bigfoot pulled a wallet out from somewhere in all that hair and paid in cash. He didn’t even wait for the change when he spotted the two coeds in the store. “One o’ those girls slapped the big thing in the face and the thing let out a horrifying laugh, or howl, or something,” Fester Hammock said.