Saturday, October 23, 2010

Honest Tonto, the Candidate



I can remember when I had decided to run for political office. Unfortunately I never made it past the first debate. My adversary caught me off guard when he asked if it was true that (A) I had ever attempted to bug the offices of my opponent at any time, (B) had ever been involved in a political sexual harassment suit,... (C) had ever been an anarchist who attempted to blow up a member of Congress by strapping explosives to my body and then ringing the doorbell, (D) had ever killed a man with blow dart, (E) had ever thrown a sporting event, particularly an Olympic fencing competition in which I had placed a large bet against myself, and (F) had ever been convicted of falsely inflating a company’s revenue and stock price in which I was associated. I was fully aware that the word scandal came from the Greek σκάνδαλον, and that this line of inquiry was nothing more than a metaphor for how improper conduct can impede or "trip" the public’s trust or faith in a candidate. But since I was running on the platform of “Honest Tonto,” I had no other choice but to say “yes” to all the above.

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