Tonto participates in a séance every Halloween, on the anniversary of the death of the great magician and escape artist, Harry Houdini. Never before had anybody successfully communicated with his spirit. But this year I believe the Worlds Greatest Mystifier tapped me on the shoulder, as a disconcerting updraft swept across the table, and spoke these words into my ear, “About that Underwater Handcuff Escape—the key was hidden in my rectum.” I was rather disappointed, though, when the lights came back on, because what I really wanted to see was some of that cool ectoplasm all over the place, yet there was none.
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