Monday, August 2, 2010

Tonto’s New Rules for Demolition Derby

1. No more Small, Mid Size, and Big Car categories. Only Big cars going after Little Bitty Cars category now.

2. No babies allowed in the pits without wearin’ one of those tiny baseball batting helmets that they serve ice cream in at ball games.

3. No plastic rim moldings. Only Chrome. Plastic is for pansies.

4. Alcoholic beverages now officially allowed. Who else but a drunk would enter his car into one of these, because he “thought it might be fun.”

5. Judge’s decisions are final, or until settled with a good ass kicking.

6. Purse is subject to change, depending on how many beer runs are made by judges.

7. No welding in the pits.

8. All cars to be inspected by Tonto Fielding. Notice open pocket in overalls.

9. Foreign cars allowed only in Small Car category.

10. A shirt and long pants are a must. Alcoholics, this means you!

11. Driver’s door can be used as a shield when settling disputes on the track.

12. Football helmets will be accepted as safety gear.

13. No grease or roofing tar may be used for coating on frame or body structure.

14. You must make an aggressive hit every minute. This means you Small Car pansies!

15. No girlfriends or wives allowed onto track to assault driver of car that disabled you with an aggressive hit.

Now have some fun!

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