Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Investigative Journalism 101

Tonto has just returned from an undercover operation. This was a real tricky assignment, because I had to infiltrate a closed society that was suspicious of all outsiders. The magazine, Bon Appetite, hired me to find the secret behind the ubiquitous Mennonite Summer Salad that shows up at almost every picnic pot-luck. They all seem the same in appearance, but taste is another matter all together. The disguise was easy; grow a beard. But getting the recipe took some serious flirting and seduction that almost got me killed. Not only did I discover that you should chop the spinach before adding the cucumber, onions and radishes, but you also toss ingredients lightly. Too heavy with the tossing and you could blow the whole operation. My conclusion at this point was that it was all about technique, until my undercover work discovered that the true secret of this salad was in the presentation. You should arrange in a wooden salad bowl and place a mound of cottage cheese in the middle, before putting the dressing on. Sprinkle paprika in the middle and place parsley all around. You toss again, only when ready to serve. In the end, I couldn’t wait to shave that damn beard off. Oh, and Bon Appetite ended up ghost writing my piece (something about adjectives) ---bastards! Next time my fee will be much higher.

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