Hey-- I'm Talkin' to You!

Tonto was trying to follow the advice of his marketing people, in regards to the promotion of my new novel. I had been advised to not appear too snooty, yet not too low-class either. I was to find some middle ground. I wasn’t too keen on this idea though, since there is no middle ground with Tonto. It was at this time an epiphany occurred and I came upon my most successful discovery. “We should never underestimate the power of the voice.” And by this, I mean—LOUD. It connotes strength and sincerity. So Tonto has procured a megaphone and has started a new campaign which might involve breaking a few eardrums.

Eskimo Gothic

I’m not saying that delivering newspapers in Barrow had its drawbacks, but the time spent between igloos (sometimes days) was potent with afflatus. A novel was brewing in my brain, and was certain that it would be a best seller. That was until my publisher informed me that they couldn’t proceed with “To Kill a Tundra Swan.” Too bad! It was an Eskimo gothic novel involving racial injustice and the destruction of innocence. The narrator, six-year-old Paj, lives with her older brother Amorak and their widowed father Apukeena, a middle-aged seal hunter. Apukeena is appointed by the elders to defend Old Bill Robinson, a trapper who has been accused of raping a young Inuit, Adine. Anyway, I thought it had potential. Can’t figure out why it was turned down.

The Original Vicious Missile of Truth

The Vicious Missile of Truth was actually first invented by Tonto Fielding. I’m thinking about a copyright suit against Charlie Sheen. At first, my plan was to use it to expose the SOCORRO UFO HOAX, but ended up letting Blake Edwards use it in his movie, The Great Race, for a Professor Fate stunt.