Tonto’s world record attempt to circumnavigate the globe came to an abrupt halt, over Walla Walla, when I discovered that my wife had filled my food cache with kumquats, garbanzos, guacamole, and succotash. I’m sorry, but there was no way Tonto was going to eat that stuff, when I had clearly indicated on my pre-flight list, to pack plenty of Bacon in a Can and Microwave Sliders, along with several boxes of Oreo Blizzard Crème Oreos, a few jars of Gherkins, and a handful of Zagnut Bars. I had to bail out of the Hot Air Balloon with my trusty parachute after making my horrifying discovery. Eventually I heard that it came down of its own volition, in front of the Ugly Corner Cafe, in Effingham, Illinois.
