Nothing's New in Theater

The recent phenomenon of multiple performer injuries on the stage, which is plaguing the Broadway production of Spiderman, is not new. Several years ago, the producers of the hit show Stomp, had to halt production of their new show Slam, when numerous members of the cast were sent to ER’s, after mosh pit accidents, during initial rehearsals. Tonto was one of the unfortunate. My left eye socket was broken along with two ribs. Shame too—it would have been a big hit with the kids.

Oh Yeah? Says Who?

Tonto Fielding will be teaching a course this winter at his new on-line University (The Tonto College of Empirical Premises and Political Prescriptions), called “Political Vitriol 101.” The object is to teach the students, through exposure to certain electronic and print media, that specific facts as well as general values can be manipulated in order to reinforce power, success, and dominance of the ideologue. Nothing can help orient the screaming animist better than learning the political symbols that will help him or her to evoke a response from the generally apathetic. Course work covers tactics such as the hijacking of potent words like “democracy,” and “federalism”. By steering political stories, in the media, into perspective, interpreting them according to the tenants of acrimony, students will learn how to assign meaning to the information and indicate the values by which they should be judged.

Going Viral...(More To Come)

Ted Williams, the deep piped media sensation, is a graduate of Tonto Fielding’s School of Media Manipulation and Viral Video Conception. I am deeply pleased with how he put my twelve steps to “contriving zealotism and information theory,” into action. The media stunt of feigning homelessness was right out of the playbook. Good show! He identified his niche, created a theme, and “put the sign on the back of an elephant.” Our motto is, “have a good marriage of solid or innovative product or service with good promotional ideas.” Look for some of our other graduates in the near future. Keep an eye out on YouTube.

The Challenge

Times were hard and some blow hard at the local tavern put up a case of twenty five year old Glendronach Scotch Whiskey that nobody would ever catch the elusive loch ness Monster this season. Well, since Tonto is one of the world’s foremost Bigfoot hunters, the challenge was clearly directed at him. Surely it wasn’t the Hatfield twins at the end of the bar. The challenge is on, as they say. I plan to prepare by learning the time honored Arkansas art of catfish noodling. Reports to follow!

Didn't Expect To See Me, Did You?

My new hobby brings such joy. Lately I have been driven by a compulsion to bust through closed doors, announcing, “AH HA!!!” I don’t know why it is so much fun, but it is definitely worth the whispering and pointed fingers.

Observation Post

I’ve noticed so many goatees and berets lately that I’m starting to suspect that THIS is the alternate universe.

Hey--Look Up. What's That in the Sky?

Tonto’s lunar eclipse parties are famous. Not to be outdone, here is a sneak peek at who you will find at this year’s gala: Androids, Bitches, Boys that look like girls, Drag Queens, Geeks, Girls that punch harder than boys, Glam Rockers, Goths, Gypsies, Industrial Heads, Punk Rockers, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Whores, and Zombies. And most important of all—Trekkies.